That was at least half a mile beyond my comfort zone AND I got lost on the
way. But I had a map printed and just turned around and tried again. Only a
faint glimmer of fear (veering toward 5/10 for a few seconds, told myself I
could leave any time I liked, ebbed to 2/10) made it through the 6 mg of
diazepam and glass of red wine, but that is miraculous. When the terror
really kicks, diazepam is like a ballerina trying to hold down King Kong.
So today, I meant to be straying 1 mile beyond my comfort zone to another
open evening at another prospective school. This is way beyond where I've
strayed before and this time the child will be with me and not my ex.
How can we make this doable?
Well, I've already dropped my car off for it's MOT today - something I've
always let my ex do before, so clearly I'm not totally useless.
Perhaps I should suggest the child goes with the ex and I'll meet them
there?
Doesn't sound madly unreasonable. Would take some of the performance anxiety
out of the whole thing and just because I do 80% of the child care, doesn't
mean I'm failing if I let my ex take the strain once in a while.
So
Phone ex. Ask him to pick child up at 5.20.
Give them a 5 minute head start to gather my courage and meet them at the
school.
I'll let you know how I get on.
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