I did it

I followed the plan to the letter and went.
Fabulous.
Anxiety didn't top 3/10 despite throngs of people. I lingered at every
stall, made several purchases, bumped into a friend and chatted in the
street for 10 minutes.
I even, in my mild euphoria, phoned my ex and suggested he bring our son
down (of course, though I waited 15 minutes, they hadn't even left the flat
by the second time I phoned to tell them I was going home. Why do I ever
expect moral support or even mild encouragement from my ex? He didn't do it
while I was cooking, cleaning and apologising to him; why should he when
kicked him out of the family home?)
Apart from that reminder that single life IS an improvement, I'm glad I
went. I feel less isolated and disempowered.
I didn't realise there were so many people who looked and shopped like me in
this part of the city. It was the hub of middle-aged hippydom this afternoon
and I was part of it, mingling alone in the crowd with only the mildest
apprehension.
Reward: chocolate torte for tea and Tess of the D'Urbervilles with a large
glass of red after my son is tucked up for the night. Heaven.