Fairly tough

OK, this was not an easy one.
I followed the plan to the letter, but as I drove there I hadn't realised
how far and how unfamiliar the place I was going to was.
First. I'm glad I went. It is a fabulous school and would be a fabulous
opportunity for the child. And no school fees if we can swing a place for
him which would let me off the hook 10k's worth pa, which might take a bit
of pressure off me when it comes to breadwinning.
But as I got close and started to feel lost, the anxiety built from 4/10 to
6/10 and when I turned into the school gates and headed through the crowds
of parents to the car park it spiralled to 9/10. I even got that strange
pinching sensation in my brain that feels like a aneurism (not that dying
has ever scared me when it comes to panic. As far as I'm concerned, dying
would be an easy get-out - no need for the time-consuming drive back home to
safety - instant exit)
So I'm heading for the car park feeling that I'll just turn round and head
home. But after coming so far, how could I?
One step at a time. Park the car, then see.
Told myself the drive home would take no time and the panic would subside as
soon as I reached the exit. Told myself I'd be fine. Looked at the map just
to be sure of the route home if I decided to take it.
Son and ex caught sight of me.
Next step. Get out of the car. Meet son. Walk to the edge of the car park.
Anxiety subsiding. To 8/10. Keep walking. Chat gaily to son and ex. Warn
them I might leave but keep walking. Anxiety subsiding. Look around first
building. So impressed with school. So keen for son to come here. Anxiety
subsiding. 5/10. Keep looking. Spend 40 minutes there till anxiety 2/10 and
the drive home not a mad dash but the easy commute of a non-loon.
Damn I'm good.
I can still do it when I have to.
Tomorrow's challenge will not be so great but there will be a challenge. I
shall think up something to keep up momentum.
Car breezed through it's MOT btw.