Failure then Success

I totally bailed on Monday. Didn't achieve my goals. Started feeling under
the weather - weary and sick in the afternoon and phone ex to pick son up
from school. Didn't do post office, didn't do tennis. It could be PMT, a
virus or just backlash from last weeks success. I often wonder if there is a
subconscious in there fighting back - coming up with ways to keep me where I
am instead of moving forward. It's hard to believe. I guess I am comfortable
where I am - getting everyone else to do my stuff. But I am going to grow
old and die alone if I carry on along this path. I really need to change to
avoid that outcome.
So we'll follow the evidence as I progress and see if backlashes always
follow success which would suggest there is a fifth column somewhere inside
trying to undermine the State of the Unknown Woman :)
This morning I woke, nauseous, horrified at the thought of the school run
after dodging it since Monday - had me ex do it yesterday.
I leaned rather heavily on diaz - 10 mg altogether, but the panic was pretty
strong, 7/10 and heading upward. I managed a little yoga in the kitchen
while I waited for the clock to strike the Leaving Hour and then threw in
some self talk taking the "what the hell" approach.
It was actually a relief when we were on the way with the anxiety subsiding
pretty quickly as I drove up the hill so that even getting stuck behind a
bus didn't faze me.
I even stopped for petrol on the way home.
Let's hope I'm back in the saddle.
Son is going home to a friend's house for the first time in his new school.
Someone on the posh side of town. I need to phone the mother and discuss the
pick up time and then decide whether I'm going to do it or to send my ex.
Aside from that I have no plans for the day. I really do feel exhausted.
Might just concentrate on getting chapter one finished. That may ease my
sense of doom.